Right before those date, my thoughts has been wild and out off control. I was insane. Heavy in my thought thinking of what his deal is. People say overthinking kills, well, they weren't wrong. It does kills, right through your bones. But that never stop me. It has become a bad habit of mine to overthink even the smallest things and I couldn't get it off of my system.
The thought of him bothers me. Maybe it's because I like him too much, or maybe it's because my alter ego says that 'this guy is playing hard to get' makes me want him more. But that's not how I am. I don't go chasing after guys that doesn't even blink an eye on me but this guy somewhat challenges my ego, more and more each and every day.
It all started to click when my dear beloved younger sister told me "maybe you should tell him how you fell? at least he knows". I thought to myself "how could that even possibly be without showing how desperately I am of wanting him?" it can't. It's just the matter of how in control you are of the situation which I am positively can't handle.
Then I thought to myself, "what if he ran away? and what if he says yes?". Both positive and negative results keeps on haunting me for almost a week.
Deciding to just go with my guts knowing that I wont be going anywhere with this thoughts bugging me. Then there I was, pulling in all the strength and courage I have to say it to him and to accept all those negatives result.
By just a simple "I think I Like You" words changes everything. Those friendly messages, those bubbly attitudes, happy atmosphere it all changes into cold and short reply from him. I could have guess the answer he will give to me and right at that moment I accept every consequence that I took by confessing to him.
But this guy, he is the type to act different than we thought he would. He had me at the words "I Kinda Feel The Same Way". But there's always a catch in every positive things. You see, aside from that, he added a 'BUT' which is never a good thing.
I find this really really hard to accept because with the buts that he's giving is just making things unclear again as in "where do we stand now?" or "should we just be the same like we did before?" this is one of his behavior that angers me at some point which is giving me a guessing game. The reason why I decide to confess is just to avoid this kinda shit but he keeps on giving me one.
Th buts he gave somewhat a logical thing for him to feel since we just starting to know each other for a few month and there's just a lot of things we should discover about each other either good or bad.
Even if so it's still is unclear, at least the heartache that I had in my chest has flew away and that is actually what this is all about.
